The Catch 22

I think it's time for another post. and the title of this one fits.

So the littlest one's therapists just left. And we have family over. Enter the beginning of a bad day. at least we made it to 2:30 in the afternoon right?

it went something like this:

Family member:  "Who were those people and why are they here?"
Me: Specialists
Family member: For who?
Me: "our family"
Family member: "What's wrong with your family? and what were they asking all those questions for?"
Me: "who said there was anything wrong with our family?"
Family Member: "What were they asking all those questions for?" (I had avoided answering that question for a REASON)
Me: so they can get a better feel for our family dynamic"
Family member" you are just going to get your kids taken away"
Me: "why would you say something like that?"
Family member: " you are sitting there airing everyone's dirty linen, they are going to go report you to CPS and take your kids away"
Me: "What dirty linen?"
Family member: "everyone's"
Me: "everyone's what?"
Family member "why did she need to know how many times your husband's mother had been married?"
Me: "she was just curious because she knew that his father isn't in the picture"
Family member "see, dirty linen"
Me: "whatever"

Of course the Family member continued to make her opinion known, but I think you get the point.

I wanted to ask her "so if I wasn't willing to admit that there is something going on here that I don't have the know how or the tools to handle, and tried to keep it all bottled up, and then when the kids are all in school and something happens then it would come to light that I was trying to hide my inadequacies, (if you want to call it that) rather than reaching out for help and chopping the head off the snake.

She's bound and determined that his therapists are going to run back to their office and call CPS. or that they are affiliated with CPS in some fashion. These are therapists, they are there to help. Not to try to rip families apart. But now what? this is common, every time we have any contact with family this is the type of "conversation" that is had, and sad to say, I know she's not done.

Now what?  Do we just tell family they can never come over, because we have therapists here on an almost daily basis and they aren't willing to just accept things as they are and leave things be? It has gotten to the point that the only thing they seem to want to talk about is how we are doing something wrong with our kids.

Or do we allow them to continue to upset things, and make the situation worse because well, they are family.

Not to mention again, if we bow to the will of the family, to try to keep the peace, our children are going to suffer. So that's not an option, I'm not willing to do that.

But do we alienate our family, and the majority of our "support" system because of this crap? or are they going to eventually come around, or is there something we can do or say to get through their thick skulls?

and I'm really hoping they aren't right. How is it we live in a time/place that to seek help for your children, might actually place you and your family on the CPS radar? Why is it a bad thing to admit that you need help and seek it out? Because god forbid  if we were to try to keep it "in the family" and all the dysfunctions of the "family" eventually it would get out, and by then, it would be too late to do anything and keep our family together. Someone like CPS probably would be all up in our business.  

I wish there was a way to prove to them that the therapists aren't going to call every little thing in to CPS, and are really there to help. It would not only help to shut them up, it really would settle my mind a little too.  

CPS is the primary reason I don't use names or identifying information on here, because I'm honestly petrified I'll accidentally say something wrong, or say that I can't handle something and I need help, and have someone come knocking on our door.

What would you do?  How would you handle this situation?

Soldier's Angels

Today, I'm going to be plugging, my favorite charity, Soldier's Angels.

Especially in times like now, we should be thinking about other people. Soldier's angels pairs Soldiers that don't have any families with citizens.

Could you imagine being a soldier, hundreds and thousands of miles away from home, standing in line for mail call every morning receiving nothing. While everyone else gets a letter, or a care package from home?

What if you were a wounded warrior, all alone in a medical unit, without even your battle buddies, and nobody to go home to, nobody to send you cookies, or warm socks.  Nobody to send letters of encouragement, wishing you well?

That doesn't sound like a very good place to be. I sure wouldn't want to be alone like that. So I adopted a soldier. more than one actually. We all send them letters, and care packages every month, Can you believe that right now, at 3:04 PM on October 5th, there is 709 soldiers waiting for adoption? that is 709 people, just like you and I, with feelings, and thoughts, all alone, getting shot at every day, with nobody to write to, or to write to them. How sad.

Do you think you could write a letter a week, and send at least one care package a month to a soldier in need of a family?

Go to www.SoldiersAngels.org today.   It's the best thing you could do to support our troops. Don't just put a bumper sticker on your car and forget about them. Show them you really do support them.


That's my plug post for today.  :)

so that's..... new

He started doing something new today.  He stands in his crib, and shakes his head side to side (like he's shaking his head no) until he loses his balance and falls over. Then cries about falling.  He stands back up, and then starts over again.

*shake shake shake shake shake shake-----BAM!!----CRY!!*

~~start over~~

after doing it 5 or 6 times, he will pull on his clothes (I swear he's going to stretch out every article of clothing he has) and then we are back to shake shake shake....

~~shake shake shake...  shake your booty!!  shake shake shake!!~~  sorry, I just had to...

and apparently the sound of the dog's whine when he bites her is funny....  great...

His therapist comes back tomorrow!!!  wooot wooot!!!   this has been an extremely loooonnnnngggg week and a half without her...

Paper is .....edible???

Today has been better. Not as stressful. He is tolerating his clothes, actually not fighting as much about getting dressed or his diaper changed. Still fighting, don't get me wrong, but the bruise he caused on my jawbone has started to turn yellow and there hasn't been any new ones.

We have rearranged the house, hoping to help him through the night. We've moved his crib into our room, and it's right up against our bed. so maybe he will feel like he's sleeping with us, and in our bed.  If it works, our goal is to move his crib away from the bed, a little at a time, until he is across the room. Then maybe out to the livingroom (that is closer to our room than his room) then eventually into his room. It's a thought, a plan. Something to try. At nearly 10 months old, he still doesn't sleep through the night. Mommy and Daddy are getting short with each other due to the lack of sleep. We have to figure something out. I'll have to let you know if it works. Even if he still wakes up 100 times a night, at least if he sits in his bed and plays with his toys and self entertains until he falls back to sleep, that would be better than where we are right now.

The wubbanub is the greatest invention EVER!! (www.wubbanub.com)  but when he wakes up at night he doesn't even seek it out. even right next to his face, he just lies there and screams blood murder, like he thinks the rest of the world has abandoned him, and he's going to be all alone forever. It's not a "I'm in pain" type scream, it's more of an emotional pain type scream. You would have to hear it to truely understand.

I have debated in trying the weighted blankets, They say that you aren't supposed to use them with kids under 3 though, I'm wondering if that's because at 5 pounds, that blanket would be about 1/3 his total body weight. But what do they do for the kids that are just abnormally small? If he doesn't start growing again here soon, he's going to be in the 18-20 pound range for a good long time. Or is there a different reason they aren't recommended for use in children under 3? Any insight here would be great.

That, and they are really expensive for a "maybe" shot in the dark.....

He never liked to be swaddled, even as a newborn...  but he sleeps best when held tightly to an adult's body.

I've been thinking about making him a custom "pillow" out of one of his daddy's old shirts that is weighted, and can be heated....  I'll have to experiment and keep you updated, I might come up with the next big thing.  Necessity is the mother of all invention right??

oh, and by tightly, I'm not joking.. if you let your arm relax, his eyes pop open, and he's crying that gut wrenching emotional pain cry again. he wants to be held TIGHT!

.....

Sooo..   anyway... back to the original thought before getting off on the sleep tangent...  He's dressed, and playing happily, getting into stuff today.

Although he has suddenly decided paper is edible. Doesn't have any desire for his food, but I don't want to even try to count the number of times I've removed soggy wads of paper from his mouth today...

weird child.

a challenging day

Today has been an especially challenging day for our littlest monster. Yesterday too actually. He has decided to start this obnoxious half whine, half cry noise that cuts right through to your soul. And he just stands there, at the arm of the chair, or your knee, or sits in your lap, or his high chair, and makes this noise. Con-stant-ly!!

It has been especially bad yesterday and today. I don't know why. He had been teething, but we've had some respite from that, and he behaves differently when he's teething.  I don't know why he's making this noise, I can't figure it out. he will be happily playing with his toys, and then 30 seconds later, he's making this noise at your knees.

Well today was especially bad, there was no consoling him. So I stripped him to his diaper and tried brushing him. Brushing is touch and go with him, sometimes he likes it, and he calms down, and sometimes it only riles him up more. But I had to try something.... ANYTHING.  well, for a few minutes, it worked, I had a happy baby, for a few minutes, and then we were back to the whiny/crying noise, and now, thrashing, and biting too. Oh no...  he's melting down. Maybe he's in sensory overload...  maybe he's not getting the input he needs, the brushing did work for a little bit after all.

Try the bath. Normally he HATES the bathtub, he only tolerates the water if we are holding him... or it's in the dog's water dish, no idea what the draw of that dish is.

but...

The bath worked. For 45 minutes I had a happy baby, he was laughing, and happy squeals, splashing, and playing in the water. he didn't even want bath toys, just the water. when the water started to cool, he decided he was done, he wanted out, and was going to get out no matter what, I almost couldn't catch him before he toppled over the edge and face first into the bath mat. Once he was wrapped in a towel, he was fussing again, but a game of peek a boo changed him back to my happy baby.

That is... until I tried to get a diaper on him.... then we were back to hell on earth. ok. fine. be naked. Crawl around the house without a diaper on. we have hardwood floors, if he messes somewhere it's easy to clean up.

But I can't let him be naked forever. he has to have a diaper on and his clothes. we live in the pacific northwest, we are coming up on winter, summer is gone. it's not warm enough to have a naked infant all the time.

but as soon as we put a diaper on him, we are back to that half whine half cry noise. nevermind clothes....

Sooo...  now what???